EVERYDAY MENTOR

Andrew Gray

Hello Reader

So pleased you have taken the time to open the newsletter again, and read the thoughts I have prepared for you this week.

I want everyone to know that every week when I sit down to write, I am actively thinking of transformative strategies that can help make you stronger, more sustainable and Healthy in your Soul.

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"Self-Talk Statements Damaging Our Soul Health"

I think just about everyone would have a fundamental agreement with the notion that our self-talk is a powerfully influential shaping factor in our lives.

But, how often do we actually stop long enough to evaluate what this incredible auto-pilot function is doing inside our brains, and by association inside our soul.

When self-talk is healthy and positive, working for us and not against us, we are maximising this brilliant internal mechanism.

However, when our self-talk is in the opposite direction, as it often is for many people, we are literally ripping ourself and our future self into pieces.

We need to be reminded of what negative self-talk is doing to us internally;

Mentally it is depressing us
Emotionally it is deflating us
Relationally it is isolating us
Vocationally it is limiting us
Spiritually it is misaligning us
Neurologically it is destructively rewiring us

Some of the most casually common, yet fiercely sabotaging self-talk statements living inside the minds of many people include;

"I'll never be able to achieve my goals in life. That's just how it's meant to be for me"
"Bad stuff ALWAYS happens to me"
"Nobody actually likes me for who I am, only what I can do for them"
"You're such an idiot, what's wrong with you?"
"Why are you so useless at everything you do?"
"I would NEVER be able to do that"
"I don't think I will ever be happy"

Or something similar . . .

Is this you? Do you struggle with this kind of destructive self-talk? Tell me your story. How can I help you?

Maybe this used to be you, but you've learned how to overcome. How did you do it? What worked for you? I'd love to hear your journey with overcoming this giant?

Let's understand that on a very simplistic level, the reason we do struggle at times with negative self-talk (generally speaking) is two-fold . . .

Firstly, the truth is that life's journey is hard. There are many more challenges than we hoped or expected would be the case. This can be disheartening and draining.

Secondly, like it or not (to some degree) we are a product of our own history. Our past experiences, relationships, traumas etc have contributed to the current version of how we perceive ourselves, others and the world around us.

The truth is that the nature of self-talk is that it is amorally automatic.

What does this mean?

Essentially this means two things . . . Firstly, our self-talk mechanism holds no capacity to evaluate daily circumstantial stimulus on the basis of a moral framework. It operates the same way, whether the material we feed it is positive or negative. Secondly, it is automatic. It lives in a perpetual looping state without being told to do so. Amorally automatic!

This reality is a little troubling (potentially), however, it also presents us with our first and best clue for how to change our lives by making our self-talk work for our advantage, instead of against us.

The only effective way that I have seen a positive change in my own self-talk and the lives of many others that I have helped is by applying the following 4-step process;

Stop - You must become intentional in placing a secure gate on the entry to your mind. Think of the front of your brain as being like a border checkpoint. All thoughts must first pass through this filter before being allowed entry. Simply shifting yourself closer to the idea that random thoughts cannot freely enter without permission can kickstart a dramatic shift in how you live.
Check - All thoughts must be reviewed to asses the validity of entry, knowing that whatever gets in, will progress through to the auto-pilot nature of our self-talk. Whatever is false, negative and not beneficial to who we are and where we are going, must be challenged. Identify these thoughts (whenever possible without adding extra pressure) as being unacceptable and unwanted. This is the start of a brand new muscle growing. This is you harnessing neuro-plasticity in a way you probably didn't know you were capable of.
Replace - Generally speaking, the opposite of the thought identified in Step 2 above, is the correct and best replacement thought. Massive tip if you want to win this war > You must not wait until you feel like it before you say it. For example: Negative thought "You are such a loser" tries to enter. By virtue of your new habit, the thought is stopped and checked. Quickly you can determine that it's an unwanted, unhelpful thought that must be replaced. The replacement is easy to identify "You are not a loser. You are capable, strong and moving forward in life" The very next instance in this sequence is crucial. As soon as you sculpt that replacement thought, ever fibre in your being is going to try to argue with you (in the short term only), and justify not adopting the new thought on the basis of not feeling like it's true. At this very moment you must choose, not feel. If you wait to feel, you will never choose Then you'll never feel. If you choose before you feel, then later on your feelings will catch up to the truth. Trust me. Try it. Stick at it.
Repeat - Just like the old Brian McKnight song lyrics once said "repeat steps 1 through 3"

Has this helped you today? Is there something else related (or even not related) that you would like more help with? Write to me. I'd love to hear.

Everyday Mentor in 2025

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